You’re in the middle of a conversation, but then: “Oh, there’s Claudia. Sorry, I really need to talk to her”. - You’ve given a talk, there’s no question in the Q&A, and the moderator asks something superficial before sending you off with a polite round of applause. - You’re halfway through a lecture, looking out at hundreds of blank faces, and no one answers the question you asked. This is boredom in action.

We’ve all been there. Desperately trying to find an excuse to leave a conversation, mentally wandering off somewhere else - or losing our own audiences. Boredom kills conversations. Profoundly and persistently. Fortunately, there’s an antidote to boredom: stories.

Why is that? For the simple reason that they must be if they are to survive.

Boredom’s Deadly Poison

Boredom isn’t the spectacular death of a conversation that conflict can cause if handled poorly. It’s a creeping, paralyzing death that comes with reduced engagement and emotional detachment rather than outright opposition. Our audience may be long gone before we realize we’ve lost them. If we ever do.

Which makes it all the more important that we recognize boredom early and deal with it quickly. Because once we’re stigmatized as boring, people will start avoiding us. We’ll have killed future conversations before they can even begin. And it will take a lot of work to overcome the stigma.

None of us want to be boring. Unfortunately, boredom is subjective, and we can be boring even when we’re excited about something. “Don’t mention octopuses to Daniel unless you want to hear about nothing else all day.” Sound familiar? It’s hard to accept that others get bored with something we could talk about for hours and wonder where the time went.

Just as it can be hard to dwell on seemingly trivial details when there are so many more interesting things to discuss - simply because the audience doesn’t know the basics. But our audience won’t get excited about the interesting parts unless we help them understand the basics first - just as we once did. That means finding some excitement in the basics. Because if we sound bored with them, our audience will feel that boredom too.

While a few people may love octopuses - or whatever our favorite topic is - most don’t. Also, some people are more easily bored than others (I know because I’m one of them, just as I’m easily excited when given the chance). So we have to meet people where they are, and while they may be swept up in the excitement, we must be careful not to drown them in it. Even the best cake tastes boring if you get too much.

The Story Antidote

This is where storytelling comes in, because stories are honed to prevent boredom. If people stop reading a book halfway through, or walk out of a movie, concert, or theater and don’t recommend it, creators miss out on the money they need to continue their work, if not their lives. Few jobs so blatantly punish boredom. Most professionals may be passed over for promotions or be ignored in a conversation, but as long as they’re doing a good job elsewhere, they’re fine. For creators, not being boring is the job.

Stories grab us through change. They’re stripped down to the essentials - no loose ends to confuse or repel us. They lead the audience along a trail they can follow without wasting all their mental energy. They create suspense through curiosity and emotional connection that makes it almost impossible to leave the conversation before it ends. And stories always have an ending. It’s what conveys meaning to the audience - not only why something matters to the storyteller, but why it could matter to them.

For all of these reasons, stories are fantastic if we want to avoid boring our audience and instead arouse or deepen their interest. As Neil Gaiman says in The View from the Cheap Seats, “A story is something that keeps people engaged and does not leave them dissatisfied.” And if that’s what we want, why not use one of the most powerful tools available?

Does that mean storytelling works everywhere? No. If I’m looking for a recipe, I want the ingredients and a concise list of what to do with them. Now. I don’t want to scroll through a story, no matter how fascinating. But if I have to sit through a 20-minute talk - or worse, a 90-minute lecture - with no polite way out, I don’t want to be rushed through a list of facts out of context, as if the speaker is trying to force-feed me knowledge when it’s already pouring out of my ears.

If you have nothing more to offer than facts, no matter how your audience reacts, write a blog post or send an email. Don’t be a bore.

Treating Boredom Before It Kills the Conversation

There are many ways to fight boredom. Many of them come with a good story, others are extras. All of them depend on recognizing the potential and reality of boredom.

In face-to-face conversations, we can read reactions. If people stop participating, glance at the time, look for distractions, or if their bodies - especially their faces - show the boredom that they wouldn’t mention, it’s time to react. Ask the audience what they need. Sometimes a break will do. Sometimes a change of pace or topic. But always a change to break the monotony of boredom.

In writing, we don’t get real-time feedback. That makes it harder. But written formats offer one advantage: People may cut us some slack if they’re in control and can skip over boring bits of text. When people’s minds wander in face-to-face conversations, they are likely to get lost for good. Is it still a good idea to write in a way that keeps the audience’s minds from wandering to their coffee or their next meal? Absolutely. If we care about being heard, we don’t want to risk that they’ll stop reading altogether. We want to grab their attention and keep it. We want them to want that for their own sake.

We’ve all been bored. We’ve all been boring. But we don’t have to stay that way. Here’s what can help:

• Don’t be bored (it’s contagious)
  • Be curious and open to other people’s opinions and world views
  • Find the excitement in what is boring to you (e.g. the basics) or don’t communicate
• Don’t let your excitement take you out of sight of your audience
• Before a conversation (written, oral or other), get advice from diverse people and adapt to it
• During a face-to-face conversation
  • Watch your audience for implicit feedback (lack of interaction, body language)
  • Ask your audience for explicit feedback
• After a face-to-face conversation, ask your audience for feedback (if possible)
• Learn from experience and make changes
• Don’t lecture or preach, talk to your audience as you would to a friend you value
• Make it a two-way communication, involve your audience and listen to them
• Build up to your most impactful information
  • Help them understand the problem and what is at stake before you present the solution
  • If people want the information first, use a question at the beginning and answer it at the end
  • Prepare the information on a sheet of paper so people can take it and leave if they want to (some people just don’t want to communicate or don’t feel like it right now)
• Remove what can be removed, provide context and examples of what needs to stay
• Entertain (e.g. use humor - carefully)
• Tell stories (but don’t tell the same story to the same person twice)

Feel free to send me more suggestions that work for you and might help others! May we all be interesting far more often than not!

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Photo by Hümâ H. Yardım on Unsplash

• Storytelling
• Science
• Communication